2 Months Later

   It has been about 2 months since my discharge from the hospital. The easy answer when I'm asked how I'm doing is always, "fine" or "great". I admit there was a definite honeymoon phase after I got home where I felt like I was on cloud nine and that I could conquer the world. I was confident that I had beat the beast and that life was going to be a breeze.
   The reality is that depression really stinks. I am so incredibly blessed with 3 beautiful, healthy kids and with a husband who is so supportive. He managed to care for all the kids and get them to all their activities for 10 weeks while I worked on getting well. So why is it that I still battle every day with depression?
   It is hard to explain what it's like to be in the head of someone who suffers from a mental illness. Like I said I am incredibly blessed, so why do I feel like I can't make it through another day sometimes? It makes me feel guilty, which causes me to feel even worse; it is a vicious cycle. I look at the faces of my sweet baby (okay so not such a baby anymore) and think why can't I just snap out of this? Why can't I just feel good?
  I don't have all of the answers and I know that I probably never will. What I do know is that I can't give up. I have to get myself up everyday, take my meds and fight, fight, fight. I no longer live in the delusion that life will be rainbows and unicorns everyday. I know that I need to work it out with my counsellor, take my medication, be honest with those around me who love me and support me, and never give up.
  I don't like posts on facebook full of drama or posts that fish for sympathy. What I hope comes of "putting myself out there" a little bit is that the nasty stigma that surrounds mental health will be reduced. I like to keep the blog full of life and share with you my family and all of the goofy things that make us who we are. Every once in awhile, I will get real and share a bit of my story.
   Most people when they think of mental illness they picture someone talking to themselves or rocking in a corner. You never know who around you may be battling depression or anxiety or bi-polar, etc. I am a wife, a mother, a nurse and I have a mental illness. Be kind to those around you, treat others the way that you would like to be treated. Thank you to all of you who have been so supportive in this journey! xoxo