Where Have You Been?

  I was embarrassed when I saw the date on the last blog post. I can't believe it has been so long, but then I recall all that has transpired from then 'til now and I don't feel quite as bad. They say that time flies when you are having fun. I would also argue that time flies when you are experiencing unexpected life events, making major life decisions, and trying to keep it all together.
  My last post was pre first boxing match debut. I was able to fight. I had an amazing time. I lost. The girl was an amazing fighter. Will I do it again? If time and circumstance allow? Absolutely!
  Post fight I continued to feel really sluggish and continued with the weight gain. I blamed it on my schedule and lack of exercise after the fight. Here's where things got crazy... I went in for a very routine medical procedure, which went very well. BUT, in the recovery room I decided to cause some trouble :) I went into respiratory arrest caused by a laryngospasm for about 3 minutes. This resulted in me having some fluid in my lungs and low oxygen levels for a bit.
    I thought that was the end of the story, but it is never that simple. The took an x-ray in recovery because my oxygen levels kept dipping - totally normal procedure. I received a phone call about two weeks later from the CT department letting me know that date of my scan?! What scan? Ummm. So, apparently when they did the x-ray there where some "suspicious" shadows/nodules in my chest and I needed to come in for a CT to rule out any thing big and bad (tumors). Well, wasn't this just helping me feel all relaxed and happy. Meanwhile, I was still so tired I could hardly get out of bed in the morning, so that made me feel even more like something must be wrong. While I waited for the CT my family doctor (because I finally stopped being stubborn and went to see her) ordered some routine blood work.
   I had my CT. It was normal. I can breathe again. I got the results of my blood work and low and behold my TSH (thyroid) level was abnormal again. So, an increase in my synthroid had me feeling slightly less sluggish over the next few weeks. I decided that I was going to try to start exercising again to boost my energy as well. I also decided I don't ever want to have another chest x-ray!
   In the midst of all of this, I received a letter from UNB saying I had been accepted into the Master of Nursing, Nurse Practitioner Program. Crap! This is a big decision to make. I know that this is what I want to do, but can we afford it? Am I smart enough? Do I have enough time? I did the logical thing and put the letter away for awhile. If I said yes, I would have to resign from my position at DMNB early. I would have to figure out the finances. So. Many. Decisions.
    I said yes. I have spent the last two months trying to organizing my life. Simon and I have tried to figure out where we can cut corners financially. I can't tell you how many forms I have filled out. I have secured placement for one of my practicums (next fall), but I don't know who I will do a practicum with this fall. I will be said to say good bye to DMNB and I hope that it isn't good bye forever. In a very short while I will be a grad student and that both excites and terrifies me! One the best parts is, I get to shop for school supplies :)
   I hope that over the next months my family and I adapt to this change. It will be a steep learning curve for all of us, but I think we can do it! Until next time...

Sometimes I Just Get Mad

    I am a firm believer that you don't get to complain about the things that you do to yourself. Therefore I try my hardest to never complain about my schedule or the fact that some days I would just like to call a time out on life. But there are some things that aren't in my power to control, and sometimes despite my best intentions, I get mad and frustrated and wish that it could be different.
  My entire life I have been athletic and perhaps a bit of an over-achiever. I love pushing myself and feeling my body respond the way I want it to. I've been blessed to be a "natural" athlete. In fact, while I was in the hospital, I spent a great deal of time (thanks to my buddy Emily) punching the pads and burning off frustration. Boxing was a form a therapy.
  It seems as if mental illness is trying to steal this from me too. I am on quite a little cocktail of medications, and I am pleased that we seem to have found a combination that works. But I am not pleased with the fact that I have put on weight because of them, which in combination with everything else seems to have slowed me down. It is hard to feel confident in the ring when you feel like you are a cow, plodding along. Because I have lost confidence in myself, I haven't been improving. Some days it is just easier to stand there and take the punches then believe that I can do better.
  But now I am mad. I don't want to lay down and give this up. I'm not going down with out a fight (pun fully intended). I may be chunky, and I may do a great imitation of daisy the cow sometimes, but dang it I am a boxer. I am tired of listening to the voice that says I'm too old, or too slow, or on too may medications. I am not delusional. I know I will never be the next million dollar baby. I don't want to be. I just want the chance to prove to myself that I was good enough, that I didn't let any excuse hold me back.

2015 Plans & Goals

  I  realize I have been slacking in my posts. I think that is in part due to my new schedule and the fact that I feel like I don't have much in the way of spare time anymore. I am not complaining, because I have chosen this for myself, but some days I think I must be nuts!
  I am still working full time at the medical school. I am working a shift in the ER at least every second weekend. I have started working on my master's degree. And I am back to training for a boxing match, which I hope will take place in March.
  I also have this crazy idea that I want to train for a triathlon, so I've started swimming a couple of mornings a week. I often wish that there were more hours in the day, or that I didn't need to sleep because that would make life so much simpler.
  I would like to have more time for my kids. I'd like to have more time to volunteer at my church. I'd like to have more time to just "be". I don't want all of my business to lead to burnout.
  So my goals for 2015 are to: Complete 3 master's courses, compete in at least 1 boxing match, complete at least one triathlon, and to stay healthy and not have any hospital admissions!

Back to School

So somewhere along the line I got the crazy notion that I should go back to school. In theory it sounded like a good idea. In reality with the first week under my belt I am thinking I must be a little crazy, or at least a sucker for punishment...

I have pulled my APA manual out and loaded up the printer with paper. I'd like to say that my first course in my master's program is thrilling and keeping me on the edge of my seat, but that would be a lie. Even the name sounds foreboding "Philosophical Foundations of Healthcare".

I am trying to find the work/home/school balance, which is proving to be a challenge. I do like being a student again (even if the course material is on the dry side). I have this incredible need to do well which I may need to let go of. I need to remember that a perfect mark isn't as important as understanding and implementing the materials I am learning.

I have bid farewell to having any kind of social life, not that I really had one to begin with! If you need to find me just look under my desk where I will be rocking and holding my blankie :)